Insecurities
by GleeGeneration23
Summary: In which Moira plays on Ross insecurities when she hears bad news about Adam, the Dingle/Barton clan overhear and it takes the rest of the Barton family to remind Ross how really loved he is-Am open to writing a second chapter! Please read and review
1. Chapter 1

**Hello Everyone Remember me!**

**I have another story floating around that I just finished so here it is. This is mainly based around Ross and Pete however I am open to writing another chapter from James Point of View if that's what you want.**

**This story is about the insecurities that Ross has and I think he does have a lot buried under his armour. In case the summary of this story wasn't clear I am not a big fan of Moira. She had three affairs one with a man young enough to be her son, fathered another man's child who then covered his crimes up by blaming someone else, then she blames her nephew for the reasons things are not working out for her! I'm not a big fan of Adam either but I think he had a reason to be upset-he didn't have to be disowned! so this chapter contains slight Moira bashing. **

**I think the relationship with Pete and Ross is a loving one and I think they do care about each other deep down so this shows that I hope.**

**I enjoy this fandom and due to some issues I have took a break from it but the Barton's are such easy characters to write so I hope you all enjoy-I have a couple more oneshots in the work and then a big storyline for them so...**

**Disclaimer-I own nothing **

**And as always leave a review and let me know what you though x **

**P.S- If you want another chapter ask I am perfectly open to writing another from James side or leaving it as it is**

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><p><span>Insecurities<span>

In which Moira plays on Ross's insecurities when she gets bad news on Adam, the whole Dingle/Barton clan overhears and it takes the rest of the Barton family to remind Ross how much he really is wanted.

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><p>In all honesty Pete didn't even know how it had started. It was one of those DingleBarton things that he and his brothers were forced to come to but when he looked back he couldn't for the life of him remember what the hell he was doing there.

They were at the farm house. Debbie and Chas and Zak and Cain and even Charity all there when his younger brother slumped into a chair looking exhausted, covered in grease.

It wasn't that Pete wasn't glad Ross was back. He was. Kinda. He had felt the same prickling tension that only someone who knew Ross could feel when he got into his flight mode. So when he found out he was back and safe he had been relieved. And like before he had wanted to punch him.

But looking at him now it seemed to Pete that Ross seemed older than his twenty-six years. He seemed tired and more skinner than before and Pete wondered if his brother had actually had a decent meal since he had got back.

And then Moira had come in.

She had that look that reminded Pete of a woman who needed a bucket of water thrown over her. His aunt had never made him particularly fearful and his respect for her had drained in the aftermath of the Adam scandal.

He also still didn't know how the hell it had been Ross fault either but he presumed that was water under the bridge.

So he was sat with his brother and the rest of the clan when his aunt came in.

"You" she said pointing her finger at Ross who sat up looking like a disgruntled black hedgehog. "What?" he said flatly looking bemused and Pete braced himself for an hour of angry Moira.

"Adam" she spat and both Pete and Ross stared at each other. Good god what had happened now? "What?" Ross said again even as Cain moved to his wife and Debbie and Charity sighed to themselves.

"He's being moved" she moaned and Ross stared at her with eyes filled with annoyance "And" Pete cut in before Ross could say anything stupid.

"And" she said recovering with a great speed "It is your entire fault he's in there"

Pete groaned at the accusation-he thought briefly about telling Moira that Ross didn't even know Adam existed when he tried to burn Cain alive before reminding himself that Ross knew how to take care of himself.

"How the hell is your son in prison my fault?" Ross asked "He was the one that confessed-to the arson by the way which was nothing to do with me"

"You're the one that got him involved in a job" Moira screamed making everyone wince "You're the useless waste of space that put him in there"

"Calm down" Cain said his voice soft in the darkness of the corner he was in but it Charity that shook her head and wrapped her hand around his wrist anchoring him in place.

"No!" she continued sounding quite demented. It was more comical than frightening really and Pete tried not to smile at the sight of a woman he had never really liked breaking spectacularly.

"This is his fault" she carried on "I mean who can really blame Emma for leaving when she had him to raise"

It was like the whole room had been doused in icy water and both Pete and Ross stiffened. It was one thing to bring them into a slanging match, it was completely another to bring their mother into it and Pete sighed knowing his dad was out with Chas and Finn on a date and therefore unable to help them with.

"Watch it" he said his voice coming out as a growl and Cain edged closer still with Charity gripping his arm.

It was like bursting a dam "Well who can blame her hey?" she half screeched "Who the hell could blame James for wanting you gone the last time; he paid you to get lost didn't he?"

Pete blinked turning to look at Ross in disbelief. His dad had partially gone mad with worry the last time Ross had disappeared, there was no way in hell he would have ever pay for Ross to go again. But looking at his brother-who had gone several shades whiter than before Pete felt with a sinking sense of disbelief that it was true.

Jesus Christ.

But it was not over yet "I'm not even surprised he wanted you gone" she said callously "I would, have you noticed Ross that nobody really wants you, that if you died right now nobody would mind, I bet James would be happy-he could have the farm and the two kids he actually loves without anything being messed up."

And then without warning Moira went for the kicker "No wonder Donna threw herself of that roof than be with you"

There was a long drawn out silence. Zak and Charity were stood stock still in shock the two of them watching, Cain chose the moment to force Moira out the house. Debbie made a little keening noise and Pete turned to stare at Ross.

If he had been white before it was nothing to what he was now. He was a sickly shade of green and white and his hands were shaking his whole body vibrating with shivers.

And then he looked up.

There was something there, something in his eyes that seemed to freeze what was left of Pete's insides. He knew his little brothers better than most and had always been closest to Ross in a weird one sided way and therefore he knew-he _knew _his little brother better than most.

He believed it. Everything Moira had said he had believed, he had lived with and had kept him up at night for years.

Hell.

It made Pete's mind throb-how the hell had Ross got the impression that their dad had been anything but equal in the love he had given to them-more perhaps because they didn't have a mother. It had all been about them at god knows what personal costs and Ross knew that.

So how the hell had he believed that their dad didn't love him, wanted him gone, wanted him dead?

And how the hell had he let this happen?

There was a long drawn out pause as Ross slowly got to his feet and with a sense of dignity that Pete didn't know his brother possessed walked out his head held high.

Instantly Pete followed not caring about Debbie or the rest of them. God knows what would happen If Ross got into a car the way he was right now. But by the time he had made it out Ross had already sped off.

"Moira's in the barn calming down" said a voice behind him and Pete looked to see Cain watching him intently. Perhaps he seemed to grasp that Pete couldn't speak due to rage and that nothing he could say could defend what his wife had done.

"Whatever" he said finally and before Cain could blink Pete had him up against the wall hands scrabbling for the keys to Cain's BMW. It seemed to take Cain by surprise so much so that he let him watching as Pete calmly walked to the car and drove off.

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><p>When he arrived at Ross's place he was reminded how alone his brother was. With Adam in prison and Andy working at Home Farm and house hunting with Katie the house the three of them shared was bare. It was the perfect time for Ross to do something stupid.<p>

"Ross!" he called when he walked in flinching at how the door was unlocked still.

And there was Ross. Sat on the floor with his head on his knees and what looked like a gun at his feet.

Oh Jesus.

"Ross" he said again creeping closer kicking the gun out the way and trying to draw a response out his brother.

"Hey" he crooned like he would to a startled animal "Ross look at me" there was an unidentified noise from Ross and he dragged his head up to stare. His eyes were dark and wide and tragic and as Pete watched they slowly filled up with tears until he dropped his head down again.

Moving closer so he was sat on the floor Pete grabbed Ross and slowly pulled him into the first hug they had had in years feeling the tension slow disappear and the front of his shirt become wet.

"S'ok Ross" he muttered grabbing Ross and holding him closer "just cry it all out"

When he had stopped finally Ross pulled back coughing slightly in embarrassment "We love you" Pete said softly grapping the front of Ross chin like he had done when they were children "Don't you ever forget that you idiot" he paused.

"Dad nearly went out his mind" he said gently remembering the time when his dad was half burnt out but still desperately searching for someone who didn't want to be found "Trust me he won't survive you disappearing again" Ross nodded leaning back on to Pete's arm and Pete tightened his grip around his little brother.

How long they sat there they didn't know but there on the kitchen floor one brother supported another while desperately wondering how to fix what had happened and the other realised that he wasn't as invincible as he had always made out to be.

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><p><strong><span>So let me know what you thought x<span> **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi Everyone this is another chapter to the my oneshot features point of views from both James and Pete.**

**I know I said I would leave it up to you but I decided to write another chapter anyway. **

**Now I know this chapter deals with unresolved issues and just to clarify this story has nothing to do with any other of my Emmerdale ones but I left the ending open**

**I love the Barton Brothers there is such a complexity to the three brothers and especially the relationship between Pete, Ross and James so I once again felt compelled to explore it. **

**Disclaimer-I own nothing **

**And please let me know what you think x **

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><p><span>Insecurities<span>

Chapter 2-

In which James finds out what his sister in law said and a heart to heart with both his elder sons are needed.

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><p>There is something off when James gets up to the farm and he doesn't know what. Maybe it's that both Moira and Cain are avoiding him (which isn't unusual for the latter) but then there's the fact that Pete hasn't bothered to turn up and nobody is questioning it.<p>

It's Charity that clues him in in the end. She brings him a brew her (he will admit) pretty face twisted into a scowl. James honestly doesn't know what to make of her. She has brains and he does sympathise a little with her background, he can't imagine what would have happened had he been in her position. He sympathises with Jai a little though, he knows what it's like to not know where your son is after all but then again he also knows what it's like when your son doesn't want anything to do with you.

But still there's something about Charity that reminds him a bit of Emma, wild and uncontrollable and alluring and he needs to stop those thoughts before his ex gets into his head-he knows where that's gonna leave him.

"I'm kinda surprised you know" she said watching him intently as he attempts to do some work "I didn't think you would show let alone be friendly"

James stares at her before she elaborates without realising he doesn't have a clue what she's on about.

"I mean if Moira had said anything like that about either Debbie or Noah I'd have killed her never mind turning up to work again" when she realises that James is watching her she elaborates further "It's just good of you" she says watching him suspiciously "I mean I thought you'd be with Ross and Pete and making sure they don't come up here with machete's or something"

Now he's interested, both of his elder sons have reputations for being notoriously quick with their temper (they take after their mother after all) and something the both of them are equally angry about doesn't happen often.

"Something I should know about love?" he asks and at once her face falls shut and she bits her lip. God James thinks watching her, Declan and Jai and Cain between the three of them have probably all taken a chunk out of this woman and reduced her to the point where she watches her every move.

She catches the expression on James face and she sighs "Moira found Adam was being moved again and she hit the roof and blamed Ross for it"

"But there's something else" James said watching intently and Charity sighed "She was awful to him" she admitted "And coming from me James that's saying something, she began to blame him for the reason your wife left"

James gaped at her horror spreading all over him mixed with an impressive shot of anger he hadn't felt in years but before he could speak she continued "She began blaming him for everything, she said that Donna threw herself off the roof rather than be with him" she winced as she caught the steadily darkening expression on James face. And then she went for the kicker "She said if he died everyone would be happy, that you would be happy and that you loved the other two more than him"

There was a slight pause as James tried to sort out his feelings in vain. He knew from enough rows with Emma that he had to break down his feelings otherwise he'd last ten minutes.

There was the rage, and then the hurt but before that was the overwhelming need to seek out his son and make sure he was alright. He gestured blindly at Charity who continued watching him wearily.

"Well I'll say this for your boy" she said with a hint of respect in her voice "He handled himself well. Just stood up and walked out when it was all over head held high" and somewhere deep down in the bottom of James stomach something like pride for his middle son flared briefly "And anyway" she sighed "Pete followed him"

James nodded once before reaching blindly for his car keys and Charity had the sense to get out of his way as he got to the car.

He needed to go speak to his sons.

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><p>Pete had spent a rather uncomfortable night on Adam's old bed. He hadn't dared trust himself to leave Ross alone after the day before. After his crying jag Ross had pulled himself together rather amicably and hadn't put up much of a fight when Pete made it clear he was spending the night.<p>

They had ordered a curry and much to Ross amusement and Pete's irritation found a marathon of Friends episodes that neither of them acted like they watched when they were little.

And when he had woken up he had heard the sound of the shower running. Once he had asserted that Ross wasn't planning on drowning himself in the shower he had gone to the café in search of a decent coffee and a couple of bacon sandwiches.

It was when he was coming back carrying all of this in a bag Bob had been kind enough to bring him when he came face to face with his father.

And that was a conversation he was desperate to avoid.

"What" he said as they stood facing each other. "I heard" was all that was said and Pete nodded "How…err…how is he?" his dad asked and Pete rolled his eyes irritably not in the mood for any conversation that the subjects included yesterday.

"Well as well as can be expected" he snapped the words coming out more harshly than he intended "Considering last night I found him on the kitchen floor with a gun next to him"

He knew deep down it wasn't his dad's fault what had happened but the part of him that-the part that fed into his helplessness took a deep satisfaction in the unhealthy colour his dad's skin went.

"He believed her you know" he said softly watching intently "About you-especially you. And imagine my shock when I found out that you did pay him to get lost that last time"

His dad closed his eyes before opening them again "It wasn't like that" he muttered and Pete took a deep breath "You did it to make things easier for your girlfriends son and the woman who ensured that we didn't have a mother-you sent your own son away for them. And you know what dad? Right now I'm inclined to think that maybe Ross was right maybe you don't love him as much as you love me and Finn"

He stalked off only to be followed by his father who grabbed his arm with such a force that the coffee Pete had nearly went flying. There was something on his dad's face that Pete couldn't tell whether it was anger or heartbreak but when he spoke it was with such a conviction that Pete was stunned into silence.

"Let's get something perfectly clear son" he said his voice a low "I love your brother, I love all of you and I can take god knows what off you or him or Moira and even your mother but I will not stand here and let someone tell me I loved one of my children more than the others"

"It doesn't matter to me" Pete said wrenching his arm back "What matters is that it matters to Ross" and he stalked off back to the house his father trailing behind.

"Pete" his dad said miserably when he got to the door "Do you think he was really gonna kill himself?" there was a long pause before Pete scrubbed a hand over his face "I honestly don't know" he said bitterly before pushing the door open.

"Hey" he said when he saw Ross curled up on the sofa in his oldest pair of joggers and a loose jumper. "I ran into Dad" he said as his father came into view and Ross stiffened before pushing himself upwards to face him.

"Pete can you give us a few" his dad said watching Ross intently and Pete caught Ross's eye and upon his nod of approval muttered something about getting a fresh change of clothes from Debbie's and Ross should text him when he could come back.

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><p>That left James and Ross sat in what could only be described as the most uncomfortable situation he had ever been in. "So Charity told me" and Ross nodded. There was a long pause before James felt compelled to speak again "Pete seems to think that there was a part of you that believed it" there was a long pause that seemed to speak volumes because James sat down heavily "So you believe I don't love you as much as I love your brothers"<p>

He gave a long sigh before closing his eyes and opening them again "Is that why you left?" Ross gave a small shrug and James nodded again "How long have you thought I didn't love you?" he said his voice nothing but careful and Ross bit his lip wondering when the hell he had become so shy around his own father.

There was a longer pause before James felt like he had the right to touch his own son and god when had it become that bad that he didn't know when to touch his own son, he curled his hand over Ross's knee and took a deep breath.

"How long" he asked again and Ross took another deep breath and shrugged again "I don't know, it wasn't really hard-I mean…it wasn't very difficult for me to clock on that I wasn't the favourite"

"Jesus Ross" James sighed "What the hell do I have to do to ensure that you understand, no matter how aggravating you are I do love you"

"I don't know how to make you happy" Ross said flatly "I don't know how to do that, I didn't know how to make Donna happy and Moira is right" his voice kept rising and rising "I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I don't know if you love me, I didn't know that Donna was dying, I don't know anything!"

It took James all of two seconds for him to realise that Ross was having a panic attack. They had become less frequent since he had become a teenager but they were still the same as the ones that Ross had had when he was a kid and he would wake James up due to a nightmare that had turned bad.

"Breathe" he said softly pulling Ross face to face him the way they had done when he had been a kid. And slowly but surely Ross slowed his breathing down.

Once Ross had calmed down there was a lull of silence as James struggled with that to say. He didn't actually know what to say to his own son and he hated himself for it.

In the end he settled for the truth or what he could say without breaking down into tears "All you ever had to do to make me happy was to come home at the end of the day"

There was a long silence as Ross looked at him as if searching for the truth. When he couldn't find anything that indicated that James was lying he indicated with his head and smiled softly the first real smile that reminded James of the little dark haired, dark eyed boy that use to crawl into bed with him carrying one of his books and demanding James read to him.

"I love you" he said again and Ross smiled again looking a damn sight healthier than he had at the start of the conversation. There was a moment where Ross seemed to be pondering something "I love you an all" he said playing with the end of his jumper and James smiled trying to control the feelings inside of him when Ross said those words for the first time in years.

They weren't better. They weren't magically fixed and they still had a whole lot of issues including that gun (which was gonna keep James up at night for a long time) and the rest of the insecurities Ross had built over the years like a second skin, but they had hit a roadblock and they were slowly but surely back on the right path, maybe they didn't deal with all of Ross's insecurities right now but perhaps, maybe they were on the way to fixing it.

But right now James just focused on his son. The rest of it could all wait. Nothing was more important, nothing had ever been more important than his boys, back in the dark days those three had been the reason why he had got up some mornings and he would be damned if he lost any of them and if he had to hammer it into their brains every night then he would bloody well make sure that they remembered it.

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><p><strong><span>Yeah and not really the best ending but please let me know what you think-this story is complete x<span> **


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